February 10, 2010

No ASL Growing Up? Oh, How Sad...

I was recently waiting in line at a store and someone behind tapped me on my shoulder. "Are you deaf?" she signed. I signed and voiced back, "Sort of. Not really."

The woman was an interpreter for the deaf, married to a deaf man. Of course, she started asking me questions such as when did I learn sign language, where I am from, where I learned ASL, etc. I didn't mind the questions; I expected them. It is always interesting to meet others who are HOH, d/Deaf, or know ASL. I told her that I grew up oral and was mainstreamed in general education. I told her about how I became interested in sign language and D/HH issues in my twenties.

Then she said something like, "Oh, that is typical. People like you tend to be raised orally and then later want to learn sign language. How sad it is that you were not taught sign language when you were a child. Was that ever considered by your family? It is a shame people push oralism on deaf people. It is interesting how most of them in their adulthood want to learn sign language."

Woah, I couldn't believe she said that! I responded, "How is it sad? There was never a need for me to learn sign language. My family saw that I got by just fine without it. I am sure if they felt that I needed it they would be enrolling in ASL classes. I enjoyed my school and was glad I was raised orally and could rely on my hearing aid. They did a fantastic job and I think I turned out more than okay. I don't think sign language is an absolute necessity for some people who are deaf or hard of hearing."

When she saw that she clearly touched a nerve, she backed off. After purchasing our things, we talked a little more and then we went our ways.

Although I appreciated her questions and the conversation we had, I didn't like the assumptions she made. People with deafness come from all kinds of different backgrounds, and just because they weren't raised the way you think they should be raised, doesn't mean that you should tell a complete stranger how it makes you sad.

(e

18 comments:

  1. Aw man.. that's crazy. There is a reason for "ass" in assume/assumption cuz they look like an ass when they assumed.

    Sure, I get that sometime when some people felt sorry for me cuz I grew up using ASL. My life would have been better, more successful, etc only if I grew up orally so they said. *rolls*

    But seriously, I think my life turns out so well and have amazing life right now so I don't get it what they are talking about. They can think for all I care, really.

    As long as your life turns out well regardless of HOW you grew up and if you are happy, it's all what it matters and don't let anybody get you down. Just because it works for you doesn't mean it works for me and vice versa.

    You handled it very well by the way. :-)
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  2. Assuming that ASL is not necessary for all deaf babies is also a big assumption. Had you had access to ASL as a baby and your parents learned it, maybe you might be saying something more like Seek Geo. It is amazing how many of those raised orally don't know where they fit with their identity. "Sort of, not really"
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  3. There's all kinds of people and all kinds of answers for people. I'm an orally raised person who went over to the ASL side as soon as possible and am happier for it. Oralism works for some, but unfortunately, there are many who were harmed by it.

    To keep flexible and all options open is the best thing, which means offering everything at the beginning to every deaf child. The best methods will soon become apparent and can be emphasized more as the child grows. Having ASL in one's repertoire never hurts, but being restricted to oralism often hurts.
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  4. Mr. or Ms. Anonymous,

    I do believe that ASL is a necessity for a lot of deaf/hh people. I do not assume that ASL is not necessary for all deaf babies. When I said "everyone who is deaf or hard of hearing" I was talking about me.
    ASL is wonderful. I LOVE it. But, it was not essential for me. I was and am able to communicate effectively orally and aurally. Therefore, ASL was not necessary for me. Keep in mind, I am not severely or profoundly deaf in both ears and even though my family and I knew about ASL, I never asked for it. If that was the case, my family would be proficient signers by now. But don't assume that my life was sad because I did not grow up with ASL.

    And for your information, I do know where I fit in with my identity. I am hard of hearing, caught between being profoundly deaf and typically hearing. Why is it that I need to be either Deaf or Hearing? To say I am "sort of, not really" deaf is accurate.

    (e
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  5. Being restricted to oralism for some is very painful. I have witnessed it before. A little boy, who clearly wanted sign language, was forced to learn language orally for the first two years of his life. He was miserable. He could not communicate orally. Then his parents finally opened up to the idea of sign language, and his life changed for the better. Right now I am trying to convince a family I work with to consider learning ASL as a way to communicate with their deaf baby.

    (e
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  6. Ok, I realized that it does seem like I am saying that ASL is not necessary for every deaf/hh individuals. So I changed it to some people. Even though I remember saying everybody. But you know what I mean.

    Thanks for the comments! I appreciate them. Keep them coming! Bring it! LOL.

    (e
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  7. I get the same thing, usually from older people. They get a look of pity on their face when I say I grew up oral (severe-profound loss in both ears, hearing aids since age 2), but I'm not sorry about that! It works for me and will always be my primary mode of communication. Learning ASL (17 months and counting) has opened up a new world and I've met many wonderful people that balance out those with a more narrow view of things :)
    -Betsy
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  8. Admittedly I tend to make the same mistake as the interpreter. I met a young Canadian Deaf girl who is growing up oral. She has no interaction with the Deaf community. She seems to be quite fine with that. I initially reacted with the idea that she simply didn't know what she's missing. (Of course I didn't say that to her though.)

    However, I have met several individuals with strong oral backgrounds who are content. There are two documentaries I've seen that touch on the issue as well. Napoleon Hill's Think and Grow Rich gives an interesting example that made me think deeply.

    Thank you for sharing this story. I can now act much less presumptuously.
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  9. Thanks, J.J.
    I'll have to see those documentaries. I was not aware of them.

    (e
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  10. One documentary is called Through Deaf Eyes. It shows different perspectives and gives an insight into Deaf history. Another documentary is called Sound and Fury. Both of these documentaries seem relatively hard to find. I bought Through Deaf Eyes but I don't own Sound and Fury (not even sure if I can own it).

    Think and Grow Rich is a book that was written long ago. Napoleon Hill interviewed lots of wealthy people. His book talked about how to think like a successful person. One example he used involved his Deaf son. It was clear that he loved his son but the approach he used would probably cause an uproar in the Deaf community.

    I am grateful to be able to read about your experiences.
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  11. I just hate it when people make those kinds of assumptions. I had started to speak before my hearing loss was diagnosed (and posibbly before it was devleoped), so there was no point in confusing me by throwing in another languagethat no one in my family had any experience with.

    You're absolutely right- no single choice is right for everyone. I have no doubt that there are oral deaf people who look at the signing Deaf in pity, effectively doing the exact same thing. I started (haven't had time to finish) the book Voices of the Oral Deaf. It's a great read, and it shows that even in the subdivision of being oral deaf, there are many different paths that people take. I recommend reading it, it's very interesing!
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  12. Thanks, PinkLAM, I'll check out that book. I have never read a book about oral deaf people.

    (e
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  13. I'm the same. I was diagnosed with a severe hearing loss in both ears at the age of 9 months, I got aided at 14 months. I attended a deaf school but was in the oral class. I did not use sign until I started high school and that was when I started getting to know my deaf friend and communicating with them daily. To me, back then sign language was not important since oralism is my main form of communication. It is always interesting to read about people's growing up experiences. Around 13/14 years old I started viewing myself as HOH, since I had better hearing and speech than my deaf friends. But today my views have changed totally, I now view myself as deaf and use sign language with deaf friends only. Oralism and lipreading is still my main form of communication.
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  14. Why did you start learning ASL in the first place. Just wondering.
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  15. Great question!

    After college, I became interested in teaching. I taught art to young children for a short time. I had a student in one of my classes with a similar hearing loss to me. I really enjoyed working with her and she liked that I had a hearing aid too. She told me about how she never sees adults with hearing aids. I showed her some tips and ways of dealing with her deafness (look at the speaker, speak up and advocate for yourself, etc.). This was when I thought that maybe I should go into deaf education. I knew that before I could go to graduate school that it would be a good idea to learn ASL. I was 23 and began taking classes. I loved it and was fascinated by the idea of Deaf Culture. It made me more aware of my own deafness and made me want to reach out to more people with deafness.

    I am glad I did not grow up with ASL, because then I would not be where I am right now and it was cool to have that re-awakening.

    I highly recommend to everyone to take up sign language!

    (e
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  16. I understand, but please remember just because someone learned ASL early in childhood doesn't mean they wouldn't not successful, or even orally successful.
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  17. I came back to your site to read more of your writings... and yes this struck a personal subject for me too.... again I'm late in speaking on this blog because I'm just reading it but its every interesting. I am now 24 and I'm just learning to sign myself. I grew up in a mainstream education system with hearing aids as well. I can totally relate. I didn't see a NEED for ASL until I started looking for work - but even with ASL finding work is still hard. With employment being my only issue, I am content with the fact that I grew up without ASL because I have been told that I speak normal (very clearly) for someone that's been deaf since age 3 when they found out I was. I'm able to interact with hearing people a lot easier because I'm a great lip reader (at age 3, it was a survival instinct.) So as long as they understood that -- I was okay. If I could change anything, I may have learned sign language earlier in my early teens (not as a young child though because I personally wouldn't want to rely completely on ASL for communication) Regardless - its never a sad thing when you succeed without a need! I always did my best with whatever tools I had and it got me thus far! So I take great pride in the way I grew up because it made me the woman that I am today. With that being said... when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
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  18. Hello Laketa! Welcome. :)

    It is always interesting to meet someone who shares the same experiences. Please email me anytime if you have any questions or additional comments. Also, it looks as if we live in the same area.

    Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to leave a comment.

    (e
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