Wait, what?
I was not sure if I was supposed to be insulted by this or not. I wished I had asked her what she meant by that or how she could tell I had hearing problems by listening to how I spoke. But, at the time I just did not really care to find out. I am assuming she works with or knows a lot of people who are deaf and they sound like me? I don't know. I am hoping that maybe she saw my hearing aid. If this was the case she could have just said, "Oh, I saw your hearing aid."
FYI- I don't care if I sound "deaf" or not. I really don't care. I just think it is a very personal question to ask without any very obvious proof (like my visible hearing aid) or if it is relevant to our conversation.
Then she kept trying to have a conversation with me with her back turned. I had to tell her that I can't understand what she was saying unless she faced me.
Has anyone told you that they could tell you were deaf or hard of hearing by the way you spoke? Or have you ever told another person who is deaf or hard of hearing (someone you were just meeting) that they sound "deaf" once you find out that they are? Should I have been insulted by this? What if I was not deaf or hard of hearing?
I never get asked that question or been told that they could tell I was deaf or hard of hearing by the sound of my voice. The only other time someone said this to me was a student of speech pathology. She was a waitress at a pizza joint and she started signing at me (this was before I took up ASL) and asked if I was deaf. I was not wearing my hearing aid at the time, and I told her I was a little deaf. I then asked her how she knew, and she said she could tell by my "deaf" accent.
Usually, people will ask me what country I am from, or if I am from New York or Boston. I suppose I sound a lot like other deaf or hard of hearing people and people who hang out with them or work with them will notice this in me, perhaps.
How would someone like it if I asked them, "Do you have Asperger's?" "Oh yes, I could tell." Or "Oh, I am sorry, but you sound like you have Asperger's."
The worst was when I was told, "Your tongue is pierced, isn't it." No! I do not have a pierced tongue! That was an awkward experience.
Where do people get the nerve to ask personal questions or make personal remarks to strangers?
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~laughing~ at the pierced tongues statement... I have not thought of how people with pierced tongues spoke with the stud in their mouths... must sound funny...
ReplyDeleteYhepp. I don't have "deaf voice" (at least not that I know of) but I did grow up with an unrelated speech impediment (all corrected now). I wear hearing aids (BTEs, blue/green tye dye molds). I was in a public place where a guy (who I had gotten to know well over the past couple months or whatever that I had known him, he's very sarcastic/witty but nice) used me as an example or something when he was talking about one of his students. He was like "I mean, [my name], I knew you were deaf within three minutes of meeting you."
ReplyDeleteLITTLE weird. How did you know? I honestly probably was't wearing my h-aids. What's the "deaf" body language I was giving off? Does my voice sound "deaf"? What lets you mke a comment like that?
I sincerely believe this doctor assistant reacted that way because she's had a negative experience working with a deaf patient previously. They normally do not reach that way unless they've had a previous experience with somebody else. Otherwise, why would she say "oh I could hear it in your voice"? Prior negative experience is the only explanation, it'd seem.
ReplyDeleteI know of several wonderful doctor / clinics that'd turn bitter and rude only because they've been sued by radical deaf people. They are just not the same any more once they've been sued by a deaf person.
Stereotyping is a huge problem.
Asking for a clarification: How did the doctor's assistant know you were deaf? She asked "Oh, are you deaf?"
ReplyDeleteWas she looking at your patient record as she asked that question? Or did she ask that question upon hearing you say something to her?
Ann_C
Ann_C,
ReplyDeleteShe asked me right before she asked me questions about my medical history. I am a new patient there. Somehow she could tell by the way I spoke, unless she saw my hearing aid.
Holism,
I don't think she had bad experiences with deaf people--she wasn't being mean. She just somehow could tell I was deaf, unless she saw my hearing aid and did not care to mention that. She was really nice, it was just a weird comment to make, and I don't think she meant it to be rude.
Many people don't think that asking personal questions to strangers is rude. I've been asked before, "Are you wearing a bra?" by a stranger--No kidding! Some people just don't think or care. LOL
(e
Interesting difference between your experience and mine with our doctors. Your doctor made a comment about your deaf voice. My doctor complimented me on my good written English.
ReplyDeleteAccording to you based on your past entry, it is not their fault. Good thing that you are doing this: "Get up, breathe, learn from it, and move on."
:-)
Well, it is your doctor and they usually ask many personal questions. I'm sure she didn't mean anything by it.
ReplyDeleteI was at the grocery one day and I suspected the cashier was deaf. But I would never say anything. It's kind of like asking a stranger if they are pregnant. (I have had people ask me on a couple occasions. How embarrassing!)
It's just another way people can be thoughtless. It says more about themselves than you...if they knew how many years of arduous, frustrating speech therapy most d/hoh people had, they'd think twice before remarking on it. Yes, it can come off as insulting.
ReplyDeleteI'd rather people ask about hearing levels. It's a known quanity and can be given factually.
Another time, I was a new patient with a doctor. I could not understand a word she said; she mumbled and she had a thick foreign accent. And then, I am not kidding, she saw my hearing aid, and asked me what it was. I thought that was bizarre.
ReplyDeleteI did not go back to her again.
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Ericka,
ReplyDeleteOh no! People asked if you were pregnant?? More embarrassing for them than you, in my opinion.
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brenster,
ReplyDeleteYes, I had to take a deep breath and keep myself from asking her, "Are you missing your brain? Because you sound like you are without one at the moment."
(e
Hello. I found my way here by accident through one of my Google alerts. For the record I am not hearing impaired but am slightly synaesthetic (sound to sight) and used to be a musician. I also used to have a few deaf friends in middle and high school who I lost touch with after graduation and grew up living with a grandparent and an uncle who are hearing deficient (70-85% loss in both ears for grandfather, 50-60% in my uncle, if I recall correctly).
ReplyDeleteRegarding someone "sounding deaf" or having a "deaf accent" there are a few things which suggest that someone may be hearing impaired. I noticed that the speech of someone who has a hearing deficiency is often missing some of the higher frequencies that the voice of someone without a hearing deficiency has, i.e., the voice is often pitched a bit lower in both men and women. Visually, it's missing the 'sparkle' that I associate with the upper octaves/higher frequencies; auditorially it sounds a bit 'flat' (as in how a musical note can be flat as opposed to 'sharp' or 'natural'). I don't know why this is, but wonder if it has something to do with how different frequencies of sound are conducted through the bones of the skull to the middle ear. People sound very different to themselves when speaking than they do to others due to this effect, and I think it's due to people modulating their voices based upon how they sound to themselves. I have not noticed this phenomenon in all hearing impaired people but enough to have pieced this together.
If someone reads lips it's reasonably easy to tell because they either don't look at someone in the eye all the time or don't alternate between the eye and other things in the environment (which many seem to do). To catch everything someone is saying it stands to reason that one would have to not break gaze.
I'm not deaf or hoh, but my daughter is hoh (has mild hearing loss). Her speech/articulation does not seem to be affected by this as far as I can tell. I recently attended a high school graduation where the student speaker was profoundly deaf and had been since the age of three. Her speech and articulation sounded perfect to me - I would not have been able to tell she had a hearing loss based on her speech.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, for those of you who are deaf or hoh, do you find it rude if someone compliments you on your good speech/articulation once they know you have a hearing loss? Or is that just as insulting as having someone say they can tell you have a hearing loss based on your speech? As a hearing person who has very limited experience with deaf and hoh people, I want to be polite, and what may seem natural to me (e.g., giving someone a compliment on something that they no doubt worked on quite a bit), may not be the polite thing to do.
Thanks for your responses!
Rebecca
In the past I've had several people ask me where I'm from. They think I'm from America or Norway (I'm Australian). I never considered that it could be because I have a "deaf accent". I'm profoundly deaf in one ear. I've never had any speech therapy though.
ReplyDeleteAn English friend of mine came over here to Australia recently. She commented that I have a completely different accent to my friends.
To the Doctor, I agree with what you say. My voice is slightly lower in pitch and I also have trouble pronouncing the letter 'S' properly sometimes. I guess I prob do sound like I have a tongue piercing when I don't! I also lip read all the time, so I must not look at people in the eye as much as others.
I do think the compliment thing is a little weird to be honest. I only had one occurrence of it that I can recall. When I told this woman I was half deaf she said "oh you speak well!"
Thanks...I think?
p.s. to anyone else here who is deaf/hoh, do you speak too loud cos you can't gauge the volume level of your own voice? My family and friends sometimes tell me "shush! quieten down!". Maybe I'm just a loud person???
I am profoundly deaf, for the last 8 years. People, and here I refer to the hearing, fall into one of several camps; the wonderfully considerate, the just plain ignorant, the thoughtless and the hostile. I have to confess that there are times when I could cheerfully go Postal on all but the first of those groups. My most recent negative experience was from an extremely stupid and dogmatic muslim woman, you can read about that here: http://willothewisp.org/WoWBlog/?p=831 Fortunately I do yoga and I meditate and try to channel the idiocy that I encounter away from me, it does not always work but I strive !! Kind regards, Judith van der Roos of willothewisp.org
ReplyDelete