Give Kids More Credit

I read We Never Landed in Holland's blog post about her deaf son ordering food on his own in restaurants. Basically, the post was about her having enough confidence in her deaf son to do things for himself rather than have him rely on other people to do everything for him.

Dianarez commented, "Maybe parents don't give their deaf kids enough credit for what they can do."

I think most parents do not give their own kids enough credit for what they can do, whether they are deaf or not. But, I do often see parents baby their special needs children more so than the parents with typical children. I suppose for a lot of parents, there is that need to protect your children from harm and to make sure they will never be hurt, and if they are, at least you will be there to take care of the boo-boo. But, more harm can be done when parents over-protect. What good is it if their children never learn how to take care of themselves? Making mistakes and experiencing pain, struggle, and boredom is good. They learn from their experiences and become wiser.

The ultimate goal for my students is for them to not need me anymore (as their deaf and hard of hearing teacher and advocate). It is crucial for my students to learn how to take care of themselves and to do things for themselves. I don't ever want them to use their 'disability' as an excuse. I want them to learn what their deafness means and how they can best deal with it on their own; or even how to ask for help when needed.

I experience many parents who do not give their own kids enough credit for what they can do. When I worked in a daycare with toddlers (1-2 years old), I would tell parents to let their kids do things by themselves more often. I would urge them not to rush in and help their child each time they are struggling, unless they gave it a few tries and asked for help.

At the daycare, one father would go through the usual motions in the morning and do everything for his 1 1/2 year old son. One morning, I told the father to stop doing all these things for him and leave some of the things for his son to do on his own. I made a point that he was wasting his time and not helping his son by not giving him the chance to learn how to do these things on his own. I told him that toddlers are notorious for practicing and working hard until they can do it on their own. So, his father started leaving his son's coat behind on the ground by his cubby where it should hang. When his father left, his son immediately went to work, trying to hang the coat on his own. He would do it for ten long minutes or so, fumbling and grunting, until he cried in frustration and signed 'help' (he was not deaf, I taught all of my toddlers basic signs). He did this for two weeks, struggling to hang his coat on the hook. A few times he would get the coat on the hook and he would look so proud! Beaming and smiling. One morning, I told his father to stay for a minute and watch his son attempt to hang his coat on his own. His son took the coat and with a look of intense seriousness he hanged the coat on the hook after only one try! His son smiled and looked to his father. His father smiled and teared up. Later, his father told me that he started encouraging his son to help more around the house (doing simple house chores, cleaning up, etc.) and was astonished with how his son was capable of doing many of the things he asked him to do; and with such enthusiasm too!

So give children more credit. They are smart hard working little things. You would be surprised!

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