When someone I know very well says, "You are not listening to me!" "You never listen to me," it hurts me. To everyday hearing people, if someone said these things to them, it may not really be a big deal. But, because of my hearing loss, I am super sensitive to any type of remarks about my listening skills.
I work very hard at listening. Sometimes I have to try very hard to determine what was just said. I may take some time to respond, I may ask you to repeat yourself, I may give a response that has nothing to do with what you said, or I may not say anything. Why? Because I can't hear very well! How many times do I have to tell you this? Especially when I am not wearing my hearing aid.
Stop getting angry and accuse me of not listening. I know it is annoying. How do you think I feel?
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I work very hard at listening. Sometimes I have to try very hard to determine what was just said. I may take some time to respond, I may ask you to repeat yourself, I may give a response that has nothing to do with what you said, or I may not say anything. Why? Because I can't hear very well! How many times do I have to tell you this? Especially when I am not wearing my hearing aid.
Stop getting angry and accuse me of not listening. I know it is annoying. How do you think I feel?
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That is one of the frustrating things about being hard of hearing as opposed to being hearing or Deaf... because we can do "hearing" things like talk or listen to music, people assume that our hearing loss is not that bad and they think we can hear/understand more than we can. Frustration! :/ I've been in situations like that, so I share your pain! I remember when I was a teenager, this woman at church actually thought I was faking it because I reacted when I heard a loud noise! Ha! Just because we can hear some does not mean we can hear everything... psh. Oh well, that's why we blog, eh? A little education goes a long way! ;)
ReplyDeleteOh I have been there too, and I was very angry for time, because I heard it more than once, and there would be arguments. Now..thank goodness, I don't anymore.
ReplyDeleteI agree Lucy, if I can hear what people are saying sometimes then I mustn't be trying hard enough when I can't hear at other times..I also get 'pay attention!'' which is reasonable as I have a terrible attention span, but I feel like snapping back 'Speak properly then!'...
ReplyDeleteWow, that's a really insensitive thing to say to a deaf/HOH person, especially more so coming from the person you know very well.
ReplyDeleteI never had anyone say to me specifically "You are not listening to me!" but I have had a few occasions at work when someone said something along the lines in a very subtle way and I would not be impressed when I had a legitimate reason. I would always give it back to them by telling that person "I have a hearing loss and it is not my fault I am that way. I am doing my best but it doesn't help me if you are mumbling, or not looking directly at me, or not ensuring you got my attention."
If it came from a friend and if he/she is very aware of my limitations, I would not be impressed with that behaviour..
I've been frustrated with my hubby of 22 years for not looking at me to talk to me. I mentioned this fact to a mother of a deaf teen and she said that he doesn't look at me all the time because he doesn't HAVE to. If I were deaf, he would need to look at me or get my attention every time.
ReplyDeleteI can see where your coming from, the most annoying one for me is when you don't catch what someone has said and you ask them to repeat it and they reply 'it doesn't matter' it obviously did if you said it in the first place.
ReplyDeletemost of the time this response comes from someone you know I found myself in this situation many times before my hearing loss was diagnosed (i was told i had mild hearing loss at the age of 14, was given hearing aids for it)atleast now if i need something repeating then people are more willing as they can see my hearing aids, trouble is people who don't know me very well (even the people I have been going to school with for years) think I must be completly deaf because I wear hearing aids so i spent the first few months of wearing HAs telling everyone the opposite and telling them i'm not completly deaf instead, and shouting in my ear doesn't make it any easier or speak not move your mouth around to see if I understand or just to make me frustrated,